Saturday, December 31, 2011

Postively New Year's

Here we are again; New Year's Eve.  It’s a time for reflection, a time for resolution.  It's a time where we look at where we've been and where we think we are going.  It's a time where the partitions between the past, present and the future are at their thinnest.  Despite all our shortcomings, despite what may have happened in the old year, it always seems that we are all on the cusp of something wondrous.

That's not to say that life is always neat and clean peachy-keen.  It isn't.  If you know anything about my life (and reading this blog, how could you not?), you will know that my world exists on a trade route that visits all stops.  My regular ports of call include Zen, right through to Hot Mess and straight on to Disaster, then back again once more.  This isn't due to a stroke of bad luck, a mental illness or even a gypsy curse.  It just is.  It's life.  Sometimes the wind is with you, sometimes it is not.  Sometimes it sucks.  Buy a helmet.

It's well known that my year has been all over the place.  I'm not going to go into that right now.  I will say that there have been a lot of points where life has sucked.  Big, giant, donkey balls kinda sucked.  There have been times where I have not known where to look, what to think or what to do next.  Those that know me well, know that this rarely happens.  There's always something I can do.  That comes from nursing; the ability to act quickly (whether right or wrong in the end), to come up with a plan and just GO. There have been times where I have lost my 'go'.  I don't do powerless or hopeless very well. 

My sense of humour, however dark, has seen me through those times.  My family;  my husband and my son and my (not so!) little babies have seen me through.  My friends, my extended family... all beacons in the storm.  I've employed all the old faithful coping mechanisms; Sarcasm and her edgy younger sister, Snark... food (especially chocolate!)... deep breathing and visualization, then finally research and blogging.  They have all helped, for better or for worse, in the end. 

What I found really surprising was how much having a positive outlook helped.  That sounds silly in a way, and superfluous in another.  I have told hundreds (if not thousands) of people in my career to be more positive, but really I'd never gotten the hang of it myself.  Sarcasm or something darker always won out.  Actively deciding one day to accept and overcome obstacles that I perceived to be in my path was one of the best things that I had ever done.  It gave me the ability to focus on learning more about my son's conditions, and ultimately, learn more about my son.  I was given the ability to see through his challenges and see HIM, not his Down syndrome.  See him... my boy, with the shining blue eyes, not the infant who can't sit up or has his mouth open most of the time or can't catch up to his twin sister.  Him.  Wyatt. 

It's not a matter of walking around with the proverbial "rose coloured glasses" or acting like what one family member has always referred to as "Doris Day".  It's not walking blindly in the sun, oblivious of the consequences.  Having a positive outlook is about knowing about life's little pitfalls, about accepting them and moving on.  It's about allowing you the ability to enjoy life; I mean to really enjoy it.  To see William Blake's "heaven in a grain of sand...", to see the potential in something, to be able to see in my mind's eye, my twins chasing each other around in the back yard like I dreamed of while I was pregnant.  Wyatt looks a little different now, he's a little clumsier than his sister and older brother, but he's there.  For the longest time I lost that little mental movie reel... happily I have found it again.  Instead of always being ready to fight, instead of always circling the wagons or assuming the stance or planning for disaster or whatever analogy you want to insert here, I'm approaching things a lot differently. My eyes are open, but so is my heart.

Negativity is like a cancer... it spreads, it metastasizes.  You can see it in the workplace; you can maybe see it in your own family.  The pain is there.  It does not go away.  It lingers and grows and eventually will wear down the strongest.  Every group has a "cheerleader"... after a while in a toxic environment; those pom-poms can seem awfully heavy.  Positivity is harder and it often isn't as fun.  It's hard to see the good in some things, it is difficult to maintain, but it too can spread, often like wildfire.  I was talking to my cousin about an inspirational link I had posted and she put forth the idea that in this day and age, people are so starved for good, for positivity, that they will react to the smallest amount.  We live in a world where sarcasm is the norm, where rejection is expected and when it doesn't occur, we end up in a momentary state of shock, unable to process what the hell just happened. That is sad.  In these crazy days, people need hope.  People need a little ember to warm their hands by, they need a little light in the dark.

I've realized in the last little while that providing information and a story that people can relate to is not enough.  I'm a not-so-new-anymore new special needs parent; what I've learned so far is that in those early days after Wyatt's diagnosis (and then birth), I craved positivity.  I needed to hear that things were going to be ok.  That I would breathe again without hesitation.  That I would have my happy family with my three little ones.  That I was strong enough…  That I could walk the walk, as it were.  I can.  I have.  I will. 

My New Year's resolutions have always been a bit of a joke.  This year... well, my list has a few new items.  Yes, losing weight is still on there, as is taking better care of myself, being more organized... New to the list are Inspire and Support and Educate.  I've been trying to do a lot of this since May, but I am going to continue in the New Year and in the years to come.  Love is on the list, has always been on the list, but only as a lurker, the ever present servant in the background.  She's a feature player now, as is her sister Compassion.

You can never be sure what is around the corner, but there is no sense cowering and no sense plotting and planning yourself to death.  Sometimes things just happen.  A little chromosome here, a little hole in the heart there.  Two for the price of one.  Life, all of it.  It's just life... you just have to decide whether you are going to live it, or mourn it.  I choose to live it, for as long and as well as I can. 

Happy New Year to you, my gentle reader.  May this year bring you inspiration, may it bring you joy.  May you too find your ember and may it warm your soul.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Hallowe'en (31 for 21 Challenge, Day 31)

I'm going to forgo Medical Monday this week (I think I made up for it on Friday) and instead have "Mommy Monday".  I have tried to share as many pictures of my family as possible;  I firmly believe that inclusion is best accomplished through familiarity. Instead of a paper on Atrioventricular Septal Defect today, I'm going to instead post squeeful Hallowe'en pics of my twins.
Happy Hallowe'en!

Pumpykin Wyatt
Pumpykin Wyatt
I am NOT wearing this hat
I am NOT wearing this hat!
Wyatt and his Pumpykin
Pumpykins
Pweeze Don't make Me wear the hat?
Pweeze don't make me wear it
Wy Guy
Wyatt

So sweet
Zoe Kitty... sans hat
Twins
Twins

I'm the STAR of this Pic!
I am THE STAR of this pic!
Awww
Sad Pumpykins
Sweepy Pumpykins
Sweepy Pumpykins.  Night night.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Bon Appétit!

We're on day four of The New World Order here at Team Logan and there have already been quite a few changes.  The kitchen is getting overhauled.  The laundry is no longer "Mount Logan" but rather resembles a large burial mound (hopefully not mine).  Everyone is a little more relaxed and Wyatt and Zoe are now eating solid food.

Last week I mentioned that I was leery of starting the babies on cereal;  I was concerned that Wyatt's head was still a little unstable.  My hope was to wait another two weeks to be well beyond the "six weeks corrected" grace period that each of their milestones is given.  That grand plan lasted until Saturday afternoon after observing both of them watching me eat.  After trying to take food away from me (not a wise move for anyone, even my own offspring) they sat there salivating as I ate my brunch.  Their little eyes bored into me, their jaws were moving in time to mine.  Their little pink tongues were darting out of their half open mouths over seemingly parched lips.  It was creepy.  It was time.  It was more than time.  These babies were hungry!

I hadn't dug out our high chair yet so they were each plunked into a Bumbo.  Wyatt still has trouble sitting up straight in the Bumbo for periods of time, so we were on the clock (I have since set up the high chair for him in the kitchen that works much better).  I mixed up a batch of runny rice cereal according to the directions for  "first feeding" and went to town.

Not surprising, my babies like to eat.

I love this one!
I love this and you Mom!

This is TASTY!
Rice?  More like awesomesauce!

I couldn't remember any of the first feeding guidelines so I had to consult 'the experts' beforehand.  According to a few places, a baby's first feed should be somewhere around a tablespoon or two.  These two polished off 1/4 cup (or more) each and were upset that I wouldn't give them more.

Awwww!
Please Mom... can I have some more?

I swear, I had to count my fingers afterwards as I was afraid that I had lost a few.  They were snapping at the spoons like little sharks.  According to the aforementioned 'experts', I was also supposed to keep food to once a day.  It was apparent by the end of day two that 2 "solid food" meals were going to be needed as they were starving (they still start out with a full breastfeeding session prior).  Can we say "growth spurt"?  Now they get BF 4 times a day, 4 hours apart and at lunch and dinner they get solid food and a "top up" bottle at bedtime.

I had been looking everywhere for first feeding instructions for DS kids and found little that was useful.  There's a reason for that;  the instructions are no different than any other baby.  The main concerns are still head/neck development and swallowing ability.  Although Wyatt pushes a little food out with his tongue at times (because he is actually giving me his patented "raspberry of approval", not because of his glossal co-ordination), he has still taken to food pretty well.  He requires a little more "shaving" than his sister, but that is typical of a boy.  They like to wear their food.

We also have a new secret weapon this time:  Sean brought home The Baby Bullet.   I was skeptical at first, in fact the first time I saw the ads I remember thinking "how superfluous is that stupid thing?" (I used to have a vocabulary BT or "Before Twins").  I have a blender... yes it was a wedding present and therefore almost 14 years old, but it's still practically new (right?).  Except for the cereals, I made all of Quinn's baby food with it.  I would cook huge batches of things that were pureed according to his texture tolerance and frozen in ice cube trays (which I would then empty into labeled freezer bags).  It was a good system, it was healthy, it was cheaper... and it was a helluva mess.  I think I finally threw out the last of it a year ago.  This time I can make up one thing at a time, quickly and efficiently.  What really sold me on it was the milling head.  It never occurred to me to make my own cereals.  So I did.  This afternoon, I started with 1/2 a cup of brown rice and ended up 20 minutes later with enough ready made rice cereal to last us a week (if they ate at every meal).  I filled four of those wee containers (2 oz each) for the fridge and filled our freezer container (which is half the size of the one shown) and froze it for later.  It is awesome.  I still have a box of baby oatmeal cereal to start them on in a couple of days, but after that we are totally making everything ourselves. 


Baby Bullet
I could only be happier if I were full of squished sweet potatoes

I even used it to make the banana puree this afternoon.  We'll give it another chance, but thus far the verdict is split:  Wyatt is of the mind that I should immediately switch to having it "on tap" instead, while after a few bites Zoe decided that it was worthy of her best yucky face.  I'll mix it with a little rice cereal and maybe a bit of what is currently on tap and see what she thinks then.

Overall, both twins are doing well.  At their doctor visit yesterday they weighted in at 13 lbs 9.5 oz for Zoe and 13 lbs even for Wyatt.  That differential can totally be attributed to Zoe's muscle mass which continues to astounds me.  She is faster, stronger and way more agile than full-term Quinn at this age.  Wyatt is much improved as he is much less "floppy" than he used to be.  In fact, when we lift him up high into the air he is not as ragdoll like and more like superman.  He will also stand on his legs when held in a standing position, something that Quinn was totally against for a very long time.  To quote one of my girlfriends, Quinn's take was "Legs?  What are they good for?"  Wyatt seems to have his own way about things which is very much a delight to watch.

There was a chill in the air this morning;  I can almost smell winter coming.  The babies will be 7 months old tomorrow and I go back to work a week later.   Time is marching on.  With each new thing I am reminded that they will not be babies forever and this special time will be over for us soon.  As bittersweet as that is, it also represents all the new things headed our way.  New things that will be done first one way, then repeated slightly slower and differently. Done differently, done in the Down Syndrome way.  Wyatt's little extra brings a whole new flavour to our family table. One that many, incuding us, have never experienced before but are enjoying immensely.

Bon appétit!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Zoe

I've been through a bunch of entries on both blogs and have come to the conclusion that Zoe needs a little time in the spotlight.  I'm sure that as time goes on, my wee gal is not going to have any problem at all making herself heard.  Oher than her surgery, it may seem that she is easily overshadowed by her two brothers.  We were very concerned for her after Wyatt's diagnosis as we were afraid that exact thing would happen.  Allow me to set the record straight;  that is hardly the case.

I joke frequently about her screaming, but rest assured that is reality.   At first it was mainly due to colic, but now we are well into the second month or so of teething (we have yet to see a single one).  I swear I spend a good 1/2 to 2/3 of the day just on her alone.  Not all that time is spent being miserable tho';  a good portion of the time she is the funniest baby I have ever met.  Hands down.

I has shooz
I has shooz. (almost 6 mos)


To start with, she communicates in a series of sneezes.  I'm not kidding.  It started out with a real sneeze one day and I mimicked her.  She sneezed another time and I mimicked her again and she smiled.  I sneezed one day and she mimicked me back.  Now when she sees either Sean or myself, she snorts and sniffles, all the while grinning and giggling, thinking we are having the best of conversations.  It's really hard to explain to people.  Is she allergic?  No, she's just saying hi...

Two weekends ago we were at friends for a playdate and dinner.  Staying true to form, she became fussy in the late afternoon.  I've taken to dealing with her screaming any way I can;  in order to bring some levity to what was going to become very loud, very fast, I took my finger and tapped it on her mouth as she was whining, making a "wah-wah" sound.  She stopped.  I did it again.  We did this off and on for a good half hour, me laughing like crazy and her thinking it was the best game ever.  We went home that night and promtly forgot about it.  Two days later, she is sitting on my lap and "talking" (that little burbly throw in a consonant here and there babble that babies do).  Suddenly she grabs my hand and puts my finger in her mouth to make a "wah-wah" noise.  Then she giggled.  She hadn't forgotten about it.  She will do this at least once a day, when she's not trying to actually gnaw off one of my fingers.  Or eat my face.  Apparently she is part cannibal on her father's side.

Zoe
Don't let her fool you...

Her smile is the best, hand down.  It is probably not all that great by baby standards, but since most of my day is either spent praying that my hearing finally goes or that she goes the f☠ck to sleep, it is a thing of beauty when it arrives.  I have yet to fully capture it's glory, but this is the closest I have come so far:

Wheee!
Whee!  (3 Mos)
It starts out crooked and then takes up most of her face as she scrunches her nose and snuffles at you.  I hope to immortalize it in all it's gummy glory before those (damn!) elusive teeth come in.

Now, this is the part where I nominate myself for Mother of the Year by admitting that I accidentally call her the wrong name all the time.  I'm not talking about the "Sean-Wyatt-Quinn...YOU!!" thing that all mothers do (I am sad to admit that I do it), but rather a totally different name all together.  Specifically, I accidentally call her "Fenchurch".  Other than Arthur Dent's girlfriend, Fenchurch is my cat.  My dead cat.  You can read all about that here.

I accidentally started calling her Fenchurch about the two or three month mark.  I really don't know how it started, but I'm betting the sleep deprivation had a LOT to do with it.  Fenchurch made a lot of weird noises over the years and I think could have contributed.  Zoe makes a lot of whining/whimpering/mewling noises that sound like kittens, puppies and occasionally piglets.  She is also super intense like Fen was [read:  nuts].  These are guesses at best but it took me two weeks of thinking about her as "Fenchurch" before I accidentally called her that one night at the bedtime feed.  Sean leveled his gaze for a moment (most likely assessing my level of crazy) and then remarked that "they might just be Sable and Fenchurch, you don't know". I'm pretty sure they are not and the cheese has just slid off my cracker a bit, but he gets uber bonus points for being such a sympathetic husband.

Zoe is exactly like me.  Now, I know a lot of Moms say this about their kids and they might be right... and I do believe I said this about Quinn.  Believe me now when I say she is exactly like me.  Exactly.  From the "want" line on her forehead to the mole on her hip, she is a carbon copy, miniature me.  That scares me a bit, but other times it's hilarious.  Like this morning, when she couldn't seem to get her eyes open...



She needs her coffee too.

By the way, not 3 minutes later...



And the day usually goes from there.  She refuses to nap other than in 5 minute bursts.  By the way, when that unlikely event does happen, a bomb going off will not wake her up.  My eyelids closing?  Loudest sound on earth.

So there you have it... up close and personal with who I think is the most personable baby on the planet.    Daily she makes me laugh (and cry).  She may be the only girl and she may be the "youngest", but we have no delusions about who will eventually be the Alpha in our little brood. 

God help us when she learns to crawl.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Big and Little

I really have to give my head a shake sometimes.

Sometimes I have these ideas that are fantastic in theory, but totally suck when  I try to implement them.  Yesterday I thought "I haven't taken any pics of the kids lately... I should do that".  Later it was "Oooh!  when the sun comes around, I'll shoot them in natural light in the living room!  In front of the antique cabinet!  On the wood floor!  It will be all warm and natural!  We'll do jeans and bare feet!  AWESOME!"  [Enter other random squees here!  And more exclamation marks!!!!]

F☠ck no.

I started after lunch.  I cleared the playpen and the myriad of baby toys and equipment away, swept the floor and opened the blinds to let the sunlight in.  In the afternoon, there is a magic time where the light is just perfect, so this was going to work.  I was going to have happy full babies.  I was going to have a full 5 year old. This was gonna be good.

What I didn't allow for was the random spin of the Life wheel which came up "Five Year Old Freakout". I laid out Quinn's clothes on his bed and sent him upstairs to get changed.  When I was pregnant, I bought him a T-Shirt that says "I'm the Big Brother!";  I had laid it out with a pair of jeans.  He came down moments later in his shirt and Batman underwear.  When I asked what had happened to the jeans, he totally lost his sh☠t!  He screamed something about jeans being "boring" and "hot" and then stormed upstairs, crying all the way and slammed his door like a 14 year old girl.  WTF?

It took me half an hour to coax [threaten] him downstairs, get him changed and deal with the baby pukefest that had ensued after Dynamo:  The Kid Dramatic had his closeup.  All was well, I set him up in front of the cabinet... and he freaks out again.  "I'm not ready!  I'm not ready!", he cries, collapsing to the floor.  "And the Oscar goes to..."  Don't go storming back to your trailer either.

It's the End of the World...
It's the end of the world...
Not less than two minutes later, he was back ON.  Here is the photographic proof:

And He is ON!
I'm ready for my close up...

I'm not happy with the light as the dramatics had eaten up the perfect light time and the pics are a bit too dark for me... but that is just me.  Wyatt also is getting better with his head, but he also has a limited amount of time before he gets tired and he starts to droop.  We did get a good one of Quinn and Wyatt together:

Big Brother and Little Brother
My Boys

And a not too bad one of Quinn and Zoe...

Big Brother and Little Sister
Big Brother and Little Sister

Wyatt had definitely started to droop, but his pose makes it easy to explain away:

Hey, What's Outside?
Hey, what's that outside?


I laid the babies on the floor and got a few things that I could play with later in Photoshop.  This is one of them:
Quiet Twins
Togetherness
Now that the smoke has cleared, I am going to revisit this spot again when the light is better and the little people are better at taking direction... who am I kidding?  That will never happen.

I think I'll just have my beer before, instead of after.  It and the session are a lot easier to enjoy when my eye isn't twitching like that.
---------------------------------
Define Normal Badge

Big and Little

I really have to give my head a shake sometimes.

Sometimes I have these ideas that are fantastic in theory, but totally suck when  I try to implement them.  Yesterday I thought "I haven't taken any pics of the kids lately... I should do that".  Later it was "Oooh!  when the sun comes around, I'll shoot them in natural light in the living room!  In front of the antique cabinet!  On the wood floor!  It will be all warm and natural!  We'll do jeans and bare feet!  AWESOME!"  [Enter other random squees here!  And more exclamation marks!!!!]

F☠ck no.

I started after lunch.  I cleared the playpen and the myriad of baby toys and equipment away, swept the floor and opened the blinds to let the sunlight in.  In the afternoon, there is a magic time where the light is just perfect, so this was going to work.  I was going to have happy full babies.  I was going to have a full 5 year old. This was gonna be good.

What I didn't allow for was the random spin of the Life wheel which came up "Five Year Old Freakout". I laid out Quinn's clothes on his bed and sent him upstairs to get changed.  When I was pregnant, I bought him a T-Shirt that says "I'm the Big Brother!";  I had laid it out with a pair of jeans.  He came down moments later in his shirt and Batman underwear.  When I asked what had happened to the jeans, he totally lost his sh☠t!  He screamed something about jeans being "boring" and "hot" and then stormed upstairs, crying all the way and slammed his door like a 14 year old girl.  WTF?

It took me half an hour to coax [threaten] him downstairs, get him changed and deal with the baby pukefest that had ensued after Dynamo:  The Kid Dramatic had his closeup.  All was well, I set him up in front of the cabinet... and he freaks out again.  "I'm not ready!  I'm not ready!", he cries, collapsing to the floor.  "And the Oscar goes to..."  Don't go storming back to your trailer either.

It's the End of the World...
It's the end of the world...
Not less than two minutes later, he was back ON.  Here is the photographic proof:

And He is ON!
I'm ready for my close up...

I'm not happy with the light as the dramatics had eaten up the perfect light time and the pics are a bit too dark for me... but that is just me.  Wyatt also is getting better with his head, but he also has a limited amount of time before he gets tired and he starts to droop.  We did get a good one of Quinn and Wyatt together:

Big Brother and Little Brother
My Boys

And a not too bad one of Quinn and Zoe...

Big Brother and Little Sister
Big Brother and Little Sister

Wyatt had definately started to droop, but his pose makes it easy to explain away:

Hey, What's Outside?
Hey, what's that outside?


I laid the babies on the floor and got a few things that I could play with later in Photoshop.  This is one of them:
Quiet Twins
Togetherness
Now that the smoke has cleared, I am going to revisit this spot again when the light is better and the little people are better at taking direction... who am I kidding?  That will never happen.

I think I'll just have my beer before, instead of after.  It and the session are a lot easier to enjoy when my eye isn't twitching like that.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Milestones

Another week, another round of appointments.  I don't know if these appointments are getting easier or if I've just completely accepted that I will be doing a lot of this for the rest of my days.  Yes, getting to and from can sometimes [most of the time] be problematic with silly scenarios that I [have a knack for] seem to get into.  Lately I've been letting it all roll off me, which is made a lot easier as the news in these appointments has continued to be very encouraging. 

Monday morning was our follow up with the Neonatal clinic at the hospital.  Premature and underweight babies are at high risk for developmental delay so naturally Zoe was referred.  I initially thought the appointment was for both of them, but after an awkward few minutes at the desk I was informed that they don't follow Down Syndrome babies (they leave that up to Infant and Child Development).  Zoe had an appointment to herself for the first time since her surgery.  This was her official 4 month (corrected) visit.

The first little bit was typical:  weigh her in, measure and report.  According to the scale there, she weighed 13 lbs, 4 oz which I think is a bit more than she actually does (they left her dress on, so that could have added a few ounces).  Then it was meeting with the OT (Occupational Therapist) who laid her on the floor and checked out her development.

According to the Nippissing District Developmental Screening Tool, at four months of age a child should be able to do the following:
  • Turn their head from side to side to follow a toy
  • Glance from one object to another
  • Turn [their] head towards a source of sound
  • Make some sounds when looking at toys or people
  • Brighten to sound, especially to people's voices
  • Respond to you by making sounds and moving arms and legs
  • Laugh and smile
  • Finish each feeding within 45 minutes
  • Lift [their] head and support self on forearms
  • Bring both hands to chest and keep head in mid-line while lying on back
  • Hold head steady when supported in a sitting position (ie:  in an infant chair or on your lap)
  • Hold an object briefly when placed in their hand.
(© NDDS Intellectual Property Association, all rights reserved). 

Now, according to the OT, Zoe is scoring in the 50th percentile for her real age, not her corrected one; she can do this list and so much more (roll to her stomach, roll back to her back, hold objects in both hands, etc).  This is fabulous news... albeit not terribly surprising, given "The Princess" (as dubbed by the NICU nurses) has always been a superstar.

Priorities
Yes, I can multitask.  I learned it from my Mommy...
The Neonatologist was simply enamored with her which also isn't too surprising as she is a real flirt when she is not screaming.  After a few physical checks (heart, lungs, eyes, ears, fontanel), he was done and so were we and we received our next appointment for late November.  We spent the rest of our time at the hospital visiting with Mommy's colleagues where both babies were held and snuggled by all.  Quinn didn't do too badly as well... he scored some Timbits and covered the office in original artwork.

...And on the way home I stopped traffic.  Yes, you read that right. What would a "doctor adventure" be without the "adventure" part?

When we had left in the morning it had just stopped raining;  it was quite possibly the first rain we'd had in a month.  The stroller was packed with rain gear: stroller cover, giant umbrella, a rain coat for Quinn.  At some point while we were inside the skies had cleared and the sun had decided to beat down once again.  I cursed myself for leaving my sunglasses at home and forayed out into the blinding light.  We were almost panting by the time we reached the bus stop and there was no shade to be found as the sun was almost directly overhead.  By the time the bus came we were already very hot and in need of something cold to drink.  I told myself that when we reached our connection if there was a wait we would go into a nearby store and get a drink, which we did, to cool off and kill a little time.  Once we left the store I started cursing as I realized that the curbs and sidewalks on all four corners of the street were torn up.  Our bus stop was missing in fact.  Damn and blast!  How were we supposed to get home?

I ignored the "use other sidewalk" signs as the bus I needed drove on this side of the street.  I deked up into a handy driveway to hopefully cut through... and found fences everywhere.  We were trapped.  I had two choices:  1) walk back to the "corner", cross the street, walk two blocks down the street, cross and walk back up to the nearest stop or 2) improvise.  I was also wearing strappy slip on sandals with a two inch heel that sounded like a good idea in the morning, but now were rubbing the skin off my feet as they swelled in the heat.  Vanity, thy name is pedicure.

We chose option #2.  Traffic had been reduced to one lane as there was an enormous digger currently gouging out the existing sidewalk and dumping the refuse into an equally enormous dump truck.  At a safe distance from these behemoths was a middle aged [read:  older than me] woman holding a slow/stop sign.  I chose to walk right up to her through a cordoned off area and ask her where the bus stop on this side of the street had gone (it was missing too).  She motioned and yelled something about a block ahead of where we were standing. I could barely hear her over the machines but eventually I made out that she was asking how old the twins were.  I let her know, she looked at each of them lovingly while Quinn stood, mouth agape watching the metal dinosaurs claw at the earth.  I had to interrupt her momentarily to ask her how I was going to get there and she smiled and answered "Well, I'm going to stop traffic for you".

So she did.  She stepped forward, expertly held out her hand and swung that sign around to "STOP" so that I could push the stroller (and Quinn) to the nearest bit of unmolested sidewalk.  On Main Street. In the middle of the afternoon.  It was crazy!  I sauntered down the middle of the road, the divider a foot or two to my left, past the giant machines (I have to admit I was a little spooked) and safely onto the sidewalk... a trip that had to take at least a full minute.  I could feel the traffic building up behind me and knew it had to be solid cars halfway to Orangeville.  I got to the sidewalk, flashed her a thumbs up and traffic started again.  I wasn't paying attention but I am sure I got more than one dirty look.  We opted to walk home from there;  it was a hot one broken only by a few shady spots which we took advantage of.  When Sean came home I regaled him with this story only to have him say "It's a good thing you had that giant umbrella with you for shade!"  Yeah.  Good thing.  (Dammit!)

Wednesday was a big day for both babies as we followed up with the pediatrician. Zoe weighed in (naked this time) at 12 lbs 14 oz and Wyatt a cool 12 lbs 9 oz.  Our mighty Micro-me has finally surpassed her moose of a brother (which is not surprising due to his hypotonia). They are exactly the same length,  58 cm (or almost 23') which is two centimeters more than Quinn was at birth.  (No wonder I needed that section!) According to the charts, Zoe started her life in the 5th percentile and has now moved up to the 25th. Wyatt remains in the 5th percentile.  At our last visit I asked how Wyatt was doing on the DS growth charts and was answered with "I wasn't aware there were such charts".  You'll permit me the mental high-five I gave myself when she added "...but he is at the 25th percentile on the Down Syndrome Chart" this time.  Score one for Advocate Mommy!

She was quite pleased at their progress over all.  Zoe was in a bit of a playful mood and when she tired of rolling to her side and scrabbling to get the box of wipes, she started going after the paper on the table.  Even as I was pulling her away she continued to frantically grab at it with both her chubby mitts and try to eat it.  It was hysterical.  I had to hold her for the rest of the appointment (which was fine as she is content looking around).  When I put her down to change her she rolled over and tried to crawl to the paper mess again.  Our pediatrician was amazed and remarked that it was very unusual in a preemie that age to be so mobile and it was a testimony to the amount of floor time and the kind of stimulation they got.  (Mental high-five number two!  Yay!) 

Wyatt
"Globally delayed"?  I didn't get THAT memo...

We also got the official go-ahead to stop the formula top-up (oh thank you!).  It isn't as easy as just cutting it out at this stage however;  I have to taper everything.  First will be a week of top up with formula in every other bottle, then a period of every other feed having EBM only top up and then taking it from there.  I'm still going to have to pump to make sure that the supply isn't impacted either.  I may never be able to stop pumping after a feed, but time will tell.

That particular trip home was easy as Sean picked us all up.  I got to tell him how awesome all the kids were, including Quinn who patiently sat through yet another appointment and carefully wrote down everyone's weight and measurements.  It was a stark contrast to the outburst he had before the appointment (where he threw a fit and refused to go).  He's growing up too...

I know not all of our appointments are going to end so well.  There will be a point in the future where Wyatt will have his AVSD operated on.  However, I hope that we will continue to have good news and be validated by their development and good health.  I am aware that we may be "honeymooning" with the twins right now and that is okay.  With my return to work date coming fast I feel that we deserve this time together.  That is okay too.  We are moving forward, all of us as a family and meeting our own various milestones.  Right now everything, dare I say it, seems to be all right. Wyatt is just Wyatt and his DS is just something he has, like his blue eyes.  It doesn't define him, or his sister.  Or us either.  It simply is.

That, ladies and gentleman, is a milestone unto itself.  At least for me.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

So There Ought to Be

It has been a week of firsts with my family.  Some were better than others, some were simply fantastic.  With our twins, especially Wyatt, we have learned to see even the smallest milestones for what they are:  wondrous little victories.

We started out last Friday with our first big road trip with the babies.  As I have mentioned numerous times before, going anywhere with these babies is quite an undertaking.  With one baby, you have to pack up his or her room... with two babies, you have to pack up most of the house.  We tested the limits of our cargo space last weekend and I have to admit a begrudging acceptance of the Whaaambulance.  Two babies, three days.  Aside from our suitcase and Quinn's bag, bike and bag of toys we had the following:  two baby swings, two bouncy chairs, two bumbos, diapers for two (half a bag), wipes, two bags of blankets (one with receiving blanket/burp cloths/towels and one with heavy quilts),  a bag of baby toys, bottles, pump, nursing pillow, formula powder, sterilizer and a rolling carry-on full of baby clothes. I had a cooler full of bottles and a frozen stash of EBM.  I took my own bottle brush, drain tray and dish soap for the bottles.  I took my own laundry detergent in case I had to wash baby clothes.  It was nuts! Luckily they had a play pen there so that saved us another bulky item.  The only things that didn't get used were the bumbos, the dish soap (they didn't use antibacterial) and the laundry detergent (I washed everything when we got home).  Everything else was used at least once. 

Aside from the supply truck that you need with the twin road trip, there is also the set up and the implementation.  By now we have a pretty set routine around here;  where we keep the supplies, where we change and feed, where we do everything.  I have diaper stations and supplies on every floor of the house and set places that I keep things... now I had to figure that out somewhere else.  I tried to keep from descending on the in-laws like a swarm of locusts but some things could not be helped.  It is busy with twins;  there is always something that you have to be doing. Unlike at my house where I can and do leave dirty bottles in water in the sink for hours on end (to save time... I do the wash up once or twice a day), you can't do this elsewhere.  I was constantly washing and cleaning up something.  Plus I eat like a horse and drink copious amounts even when it is not hot... My five year old was running around wild as it was someplace new and hubby and I were snapping at each other as we couldn't find things.  The temperature soared, the babies didn't sleep very well and Zoe screamed a lot.  I'm sure we were the guests from hell.  Despite all of that, we did have a good time.

We also went to a family reunion where we had a great time.  I was so busy catching up and visiting that I didn't even think of getting out the camera until it was too late.  There was a group shot taken of everyone there so I look forward to seeing that.  It was very hot, but we visited with lots of good people and had a lot of good food.  Baby wrangling is a lot easier when others want to hold them.  :)

Hi Mom!
High maintanence?  Us?
We also received some handouts from Infant and Child Development to help Wyatt strengthen his muscles and develop.  They aren't as much exercises as positions to place him in to play.  Most are ways that we hold him to begin with, so that was a bit validating.  Each has a list of things to encourage, a list of what this particular position helps to do and play ideas for when you are doing each one. We've started consciously adding them into our day as much as possible.

Sizing up the O-ponant
Sizing up the O-pponent (before exercising with the O-Ball)
Our other firsts this week belong to Wyatt who can now roll over AND giggle.  I missed the very first roll as I found him on his tummy, but eventually I saw him do it.  Zoe is an old pro and lands in perfect position with her head up (not bad for two weeks practice),

Leaning Tower of Zoe
Rolling Zoe

but Wyatt is still trying to steady his noggin. One day...
Hey There!
Keep on Rollin' Wyatt!
The first giggle totally caught me by surprise last night.  Sean was bathing Zoe and I was playing with Wyatt in the crib.  Since he is so flexible and we are encouraging him to grab his feet, I had his legs and was playing with his feet.  I tapped his nose with his big toes and he smiled.  I put one of his feet on either side of his face;  the smile got wider and there it was, the cutest "ahuh huh hee hee".  I squeaked and ran to tell Sean, tears in my eyes.  I guess I freaked him out as I couldn't get him to do it again, but I look forward to many more giggles with my little man.

Every new first with a baby is magical.  Every new first with twins is doubly so as you get to see it repeated at a later time and in a slightly different way.  We have the added little extra of seeing it repeated in the DS way.  I have always wanted a house filled with laughter and I believe we are well on our way of achieving that little victory as well.  After all, these are the things that matter most;  the little milestones that not only bring us closer to our goals, but also to each other in our journey.  Although each new little thing means my babies are growing up, our discovery of new things together brings us together with much wonderment and joy.  If that is not magic, I don't know what is.

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy. So there ought to be." -- James Matthew Barrie

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Upside of Down

It is only Thursday and I am pooped.  It has been a very busy week so far (and will continue to be so), but we have had a few nagging questions addressed. I am happy to report that these answers have brought a lot of relief and comfort.

As I mentioned previously,  Our worker from Infant and Child Development Services came Monday morning.  Their workers come from a variety of backgrounds including ECE, Psychology, OT, Nursing... ours comes from an ECE and Developmental Psychology background, which suited me fine. She came in, introduced herself... and spent over two hours chatting with me and playing with the babies on the floor.  It was great.  Quinn was in fine form as well;  when he heard that she had arrived, he hurried to get dressed.  Unfortunately, he missed the pile of clothes that I had left on his bed for him (shorts and a t shirt as it was going to be a very hot day).  Instead, he came down in brown track pants and a light coloured pullover with a collar on backwards.  He came right up to us on the floor and sweetly announced "Hi, I'm Quinn" while wearing what looked like a straitjacket. That's m'boy.  She didn't bat an eye... I guess she was too busy gazing into his.  I sent my little lunatic upstairs to change and we got on with the assessment which was only occasionally punctuated by an off the wall [to us] but perfectly pertinent [to him] statement or question.

The whole conversation, like my brain, was very tangential and informal. It totally centered around what the kids were doing.  Both babies were awake and alert and ready to show their stuff.

Hanging out Together
Listen... they're talking about us again...
Wyatt's head is getting a little more steady every day, which is very encouraging.  "A."  was happy that Zoe could push herself up on her forearms and showed me a little trick to help them master it.  Overall she was very pleased with Wyatt's development;  she remarked on a few things, including his vocalizations, his mouth shapes during these vocalizations and his ability to track by sound and sight.  He also reaches well for things.  A. continued by listing off a few things that I can do to help both of them improve and I was very happy to hear they were things that I was already doing.  Little things such as ankle/wrist rattles, using the dangling toys on the Gymini-jillikers (Gymini play mat), the simple toys I was using, talking to them, imitating their sounds, changing their environment, introducing texture, playing music for them, singing and so on.  We talked about their delivery, Wyatt's diagnosis, their stay in the NICU and how we managed that... even Zoe's surgery.  She was amazed that a) I managed to make it to Mother Goose at all and b) how I was "handling" everything.  Sometimes you have to have things pointed out to you and I am no exception.  I guess our story is a little incredible if you think about it.  A. made a point of relaying how well she thought Team Logan worked together and how well we have dealt with our roller coaster lives over the last two years or so.  I told her that all you can do is laugh sometimes, and cited the dishwasher (which died a horrible leaky death the night before).  What are you going to do?  That's life.

Many of our questions were finally answered.  Infant and Child Development Services sets you up with whatever extended services you might need, such as OT, speech therapists, etc.  Usually, speech therapy and the like start after 1 year of age.  The idea being that you assess where the child is with their speech, etc at that time and then intervene appropriately.  We talked about Wyatt's physical health and swimming was discussed.  I was surprised that they don't recommend exersaucers and jolly-jumpers and the like, but she went on to say that many parents leave their children in them for hours at a time where they are standing on their toes and that interferes with proper leg and foot development.  She did add that 10 or 15 mins here and there would be fine and would be helpful, but no more.  A. went on to say that the best place for them would be just as I had them, on the floor, where they could grow and stretch and build their muscles in a more natural way. 

ICDSP also has a ton of resources for us to utilize:  They have toy and book/video libraries, will and estate planning, evaluating eligibility for and setting up government funding, groups and programs tailored for your needs... and the list goes on.  They will also be involved before Wyatt starts school;  the spring before he starts JK, we (A, the OT, any other development specialists, the teacher, the principal and Sean and myself) will all meet and discuss exactly what his needs are and whether or not he will need additional support in the classroom.  I guess at the time we will also discuss whether our school separates twins or not, but that is another issue.  Even though I knew that he would be going to regular classes like a regular kid, for some reason hearing it from this woman made me relax a little.  I don't know why... perhaps, once again, a small amount of validation can go a long way.  She will be visiting us monthly for the first while to assess his continuing development, which I was also pleased to hear.  I found the whole experience to be extremely positive;  Wyatt's doing well, we are doing well and we are doing the right things for him.  I don't think it gets better than that.

That night we took them to our GP for their 4 month shots.  I'm not so sure of their scale to be honest, but according to it, Zoe weighs 12 lbs, 6 oz and Wyatt weighs 12 lbs.  Zoe has officially beaten her brother in the weight department (you can chalk that up to the muscle tone).  Our Family Doctor was pleased overall with their progress and gave them a shot in each thigh.  I had Sean hold them down... I couldn't bear to do that again.  They were reasonable that night, but were feverish yesterday...  light to no clothes and Tylenol seems to have taken care of that for us.

Tuesday we had a trip to the cardiologist and once again, the kids were on.  I really do like going there as everyone is so friendly and very helpful.  We didn't have to sedate Wyatt (which is always a relief) and it was such a pleasure to watch the babies interact with the staff.  There were a few awkward spots especially when Zoe started crying right when we were doing an echo on Wyatt, but one of the staff just walked over and got her to smile as if this happened every day.  Wyatt had his checkup and his echo and the Dr. is so pleased with his progress that we do not have to see him for another 6 months.  Fantastic! 

We had a happy little moment on the way out as well.  Quinn was playing with a new friend in the waiting room and when we were leaving, I was delighted to see that the (younger) boy he was playing with so easily had DS.  I introduced myself to the boy and his mother and talked to Quinn that his new friend had the same condition that Wyatt has.  "But, they don't look the same" was his reply, to which I responded that "G" looked like his family while Wyatt looks like ours.  I don't even think Quinn noticed that his new playmate was non-verbal... they totally "got" each other.  "G"'s mom was very pleased with the interaction and I was too...  as it was just a little heartwarming glimpse into the future.

It is always good to hear good things about your kids, it's even better to be given the reassurance that they are doing well and most importantly that you are doing the right things for them.  Although I think we are pretty good parents and we strive to be the best that we can for our kids, it is good to have that little extra bit of validation.  Armed with that, we can continue on knowing that Wyatt (and all our kids) will be the best that they can be.  We may not be able to predict Wyatt's journey, but his path will take him places... of that I am sure.

Wyatt, Intently Listening to Big Brother
Wyatt intently listening to big brother Quinn

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Friday, July 8, 2011

Photo Catch-Up Friday, Part 2.

To say that the garden is neglected this year would be a gross understatement.  With the babies and whatnot, puh-leeze!  The garden's suffering started last year when I found out I was pregnant.  Once the nausea set in, I didn't have the time or the energy to do anything.  Then the weather turned bad and I was unable to save my bulbs from the pots before they froze.  :(  Thankfully, perennials are like good friends; no matter how rough things get, they are always there to brighten your day. 

By the end of April, I had a few spring bulbs flowering, including some jonquils.

Jonquil macro
Yellow jonquil covered in pollen
On Mother's Day, my family bought me two hanging baskets of fuchsias.

Fuschia Buds
Dewy Fuchsias
But, the yard as a whole needed a LOT of TLC.

The Garden Needs a Little Work...
Froggy Mama is lost in the weeds [in more ways than one :( ]
It was wonderful to welcome some new additions that my Mom had sent home with us the summer before.

Dwarf Iris
Dwarf Iris
Sweet Violets
Sweet Violets
Trillium
Trillium
I love peonies... always have. I love the look, I love the smell. I was very pleased to see that the peonies that I had planted last year came back and bloomed. I have a lovely ruffly pink one that has the classic scent, and a scentless white one. Both are magnificent. I hope to add more as time goes on.

Peony Macro
Pink ruffly peony
White Peony
White ruffled peony
The rosebush has really come back after last year's disaster. The flowers this year vary from the very bright, almost fuschia pink of years past, to a pale pastel.

Rosebud
Pale rosebud
The weigela did very well this spring, although I recently had to give it a [very bad] haircut as it was growing all over the little garden.  I have to get a hedge trimmer to take care of it, along with the dogwood and a few other things.

Weigelia
Weigela Bloom Macro
Just in time for Canada Day, my yellow daylilies bloomed. I love daylilies... you don't have to do much to them and they are immune to the red lily beetle that plagues/destroys my Asian lilies.

Yellow Daylily
Yellow Daylilies
I've planted a small vegetable garden this year:  peppers, two kinds of tomatoes, carrots, peas and cucumbers.  I bought most of the plants (except for the carrots and the peas) and just stuck them in the garden.  I remember to water it occasionally.  :S  That is about the best I can do this year...  I'll post pics of that as I get them.  I also have a pot of calla lilies that is just about to bloom and a few more things that should delight the eye in the weeks to come.

By next year I should be back in gardening mode.  But, for now, I'll enjoy my few ventures outside to wiggle my toes in the [overgrown] grass.  I'm sure there will be something new and pretty to look at.

Photo Catch-Up Friday, Part 1.

Every so often I have to take some time out and catch up on my photos.  The babies are growing and changing so fast and so much has happened in the last couple of weeks... it was either try to catch up now or lose track.

A little over two weeks ago, we went to Sean's Aunt's to meet up with his Grandma and introduce Wyatt and Zoe (and we could wish her a happy 90th birthday).  Wyatt and Grandma made quite a pair, while Zoe... wasn't so amiable. I couldn't get a decent picture of all three of them, but here is a good one of Grandma.

Great Grandma and Wyatt
Wyatt and his Great-Grandma
A few days later, I was in the kitchen washing up all the bottles...

How to Kill Half an Hour
How to kill half an hour...

...and I went to check on the babies.  They were napping on a blanket on the living room floor.  I had put them down side by side and they had wiggled around and fallen asleep with Zoe on her side and Wyatt's head in her lap.  It was too much.


Asleep on the Blankets Together
So happy together...
I got to sneak around them and take a few more pics as they woke up.  So very cute.  So badly lit, but so very cute.

Little Boy Blue
Pretty in Pink
Little Boy Blue and Pretty in Pink


Canada Day was a lot of fun.  After my Please Mum score of a few days before, I had the kids outfitted in patriotic cuteness.

Canada Baby II Zoe!
This of course, was only outdone by Zoe's latest milestone:

Zoe's latest Milestone
Oooh!  Look what I can do!

There was a giant pile of meat and good friends to help us eat:

Meat!
Giant Meat Pile... *drool*
Good Friends
Good food, good friends

There were two sets of twins (and only one Quinn):

Two Sets of Twins and a Quinn
Two sets of twins... and a Quinn

Then, as dusk crept in, they made the night sparkle!

The Terror Trio
Ty, Erin and Quinn.  The Terror Trio, now with fire!

Quinn and Ty More Erin Could be a Fish?
Quinn Draws a 6 Figure 8 "Q" is For Quinn!
Fun for all the kids... from 4 months to 40.

My garden, such as it is this year, has a few new friends and a few beautiful old ones.  I will post those later.

Until then... Jxox