Once again, I find myself overcoming a long stretch between blogs. It's now March and I've been staring at my Christmas cookies on both Blogger and Facebook for far too long now. (They were delicious, btw).
It's not from lack of trying... I simply have not been able to put my thoughts in order for some time now. The usual winter fatigue, in itself, has not been solely to blame for this; how can it after a winter as mild as the one we have just experienced? There have been a lot of little things and a lot of big things as of late. I guess it's just taken me this long to process them all.
Work, well, is just that. Work. It challenges me daily and can lift me to the stars and throw me back down to earth within minutes. I honestly can say that I am in the right place. It is tiring and I've been trying to take some time off for a while now. That in itself is a bit tricky as it is such a small place to begin with, there just isn't oodles of staff to choose from. The politics and the workings of the corporate machine I can also do without... but we'll put that on a Post-it and come back to it later.
I guess the biggest thing to come my way lately (if not ever) is my Dad's illness. For those of you that don't know already, he was diagnosed with lymphoma recently. Diffuse Large B cell, for those of you keeping score. He has already been through two surgeries and a barrage of tests in the last month and a half; he starts chemo next week. We still do not have an idea of what stage he is at, so we do not have a prognosis, a timeline, etc. It's been so very frustrating for all of us. This nasty disease has managed to permeate every aspect of our life. Every waking hour, even when I'm not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it. I've gone through the grieving spectrum at least twice now and am currently flipping back and forth between acceptance and anger. It has thinned my skin, yet still brought me closer to my parents. We'll write "lymphoma" on several lime green Post its. Maybe draw a little ribbon...
The problem really with all of this is the amount of mental post-its that I've been accumulating lately. I'm at that point again where I feel like they are stuck all over me, flapping in the breeze as I walk. A few come off on the sheets at night and get found, all folded up and dirty, on the bottom of my foot later on. Mental clutter. With the mental clutter comes the physical symptoms, the IBS, the aches and pains, the PVC's, the headaches...
This past weekend, I turtled. I chose not to go visit my parents and instead stayed home and did a few things around the house. I organized my pantry. I cleaned the kitchen and living room and sorted out all the toys. I fixed loose cupboard doors. I also drank a lot of wine and Jack Daniels while listening to good music. That managed to rinse off a lot of the residue.
So, dear readers, if I haven't been rabbiting on about the various things in my life, this is why. I talk when I need to those in my immediate circles. I haven't been inspired to write, photograph, create, do a craft or anything like that in some time. My gardening is also behind schedule, but I have some grandiose plans that will come to fruition.
I am very thankful for many things and for the wonderful people I have in my life. Please be patient...
Jxox
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