Friday, December 12, 2008

Get Over Yourself!

Maybe it's me.

Maybe it's my own personality issues...maybe it's the magnetic field that I have that seems to attract odd behaviour. Maybe it's Karma, maybe it's just my lot in life, who knows?

What I do know is that quite a few of you out there seem to need a reality check. Normally I would just let a lot of this stuff slide, but honestly I have too much to do in the next little while to have this negitivity clinging to me.

Besides, a few of you are long overdue for a bitch slap from me, whether in writing or not. I'll warn you gentle readers... my normal restraints have slid a tad.

I don't know, but is this the normal amount of crap that people eat in a week? Again, maybe it's me...

To the Security Guard who asked if I was having a Christmas Baby:

Are you fucking with me? I know I am overweight. Believe it or not, I can still see my reflection in a mirror. What possibly would make you think that it was OK to just assume that someone was pregnant and then bring it up in conversation? Or assume that I was full term? Nice observational skills, dickhead. I'll keep that in mind next time you are assigned to "watch" one of my patients.

Open your eyes and shut your trap for a change.
Get over yourself!

To the "Frenemy" who ruined my birthday:
WTF is your problem? I stopped answering your phone calls because you told me to do some situps when I was five months pregnant and basically berated me for stopping my gym membership (even though I was ordered to stop by my Doc). Then you and your co-hort were shocked that we bought a car before the baby was born, because after all, we could never afford such a thing ever. Then I became a sales call when you switched tracks. I don't think so!

My birthday this year was awesome, that is until I made the mistake of picking up the phone as my son and I awaited the return of Sean and our Japanese food. Your shocked pause on the phone said it all; when I said no, we BOUGHT a house (as opposed to renting, which you naturally assumed). I'm tired of being poor little crazy Jenni from the unstable home... I haven't been her in a long, long time. I have a really good job and I make some pretty good money. Ok, it may not be as much as you make, but I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my pouty yap. I've managed to repair my marriage and have a beautiful brilliant son. We own a house and a car. All without your help. All without you.

Hopefully motherhood will snap some sense into your head. With your narcissism however, it's highly doubtful. I bet you think this blog is about you...
Get over yourself!

To my Pseudo-(and hopfully soon to be Ex-) Sister in Law:
Seriously, WTF? What is WITH the attitude? I'm sorry to break it to you sunshine, but the world does not revolve around you. You think you know everything, but most of your "knowledge" is based on urban myths and stuff that some girl at work told you.

I know it may be hard to believe, but some of us work 'round the clock. We do this, put our health, our sanity and often our asses on the line for people like you... so you can bemoan and berate us at will. After all, you know everything, right? That also means that sometimes we sleep during the day. That doesn't mean we're lazy... that means we are working when you are not. Often, that means that we're busy trying to wrestle a guy so we can stick an IV in him at 3:15am when you are snug in your bed dreaming about what new drama you can throw in the morning.

While we are at it, where the hell do you get the gall to talk to me about raising my child when yours are such disasters? Seriously, your biggest problem is that your eldest is already smarter than you. Your continued search for something "wrong" with her is bordering on M√ľnchausen by proxy at this point. Now the latest... you won't let your supposed "husband" off the leash long enough to help out his brother and family because... why? Your continued selfishness and spite is legend; how the hell do you sleep at night? You continue to deny my nephew a safe haven under your roof... why? Oh yes. You may have to compete with a child.

I was pretty much done with you the year you got us all banninated from the family.
Grow the fuck up. Get a clue.
You know this blog is about you...
Get over yourself!

To the City of Brampton:

Your "snow removal" skills are "teh suck". Seriously... I tried to take Quinn out in the stroller the other day and instead of a "store adventure" we had an "Arctic adventure" with all the snowbanks, bow waves and ice flows that we had to navigate through just to get to the Giant Tiger down the block. The stroller is a heavy duty model but I swear, to have kids in this town I have to swap it out for a Snow CAT for four months of the year. Those little mountains of snow at the end of a plowed sidewalk? Impossible to navigate with a stroller / wheelchair / scooter. All the "plowed" sidewalk in the world is not going to do any good if a) it's only a foot and a half wide and b) it is interdispersed with iceflows that would make Admiral Byrd blanche. You have no idea how hard it is to have 100lbs of stroller, kid and groceries trapped in the snow and still try and make it across the street before the light changes... and have assholes honk at you to hurry up for your troubles.

Get some equipment and do it right! Some of us don't like being trapped indoors all day.
Get over yourself!

[While we are on the subject:]

To the drivers who honked while I was trying to dislodge the stroller from the snow:

Are you fucking with me? Seriously, the last time I checked pedestrians still had the right of way. You would know that, if you actually took your drivers exam instead of purchasing it here in Brampton. You and your Grannie and the whole un-belted fam-damily can wait 30 seconds while I lift my son's wheels from their icy prison. You and Grannie and the fam-damily can wait another 20 seconds or so as I get things going and make it across your lane before you peel off indignantly to try and get wherever the hell it is that you think is more important than my destination. Your colleague who is trying to turn left can also wait, because as I've mentioned before I have the fucking right of way!

Learn to drive! Learn some manners!
Get over yourself!

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Now, gentle readers, if you will excuse me, I have a date with some Ginger tea and a homemade cookie. Thank you for your indulgence... now I will go chill out and get over my own self as I throw down an imaginary microphone and yell "Jen...OUT!"

Jxox

(A shout out to Skye for the Carly Simon sub-ref.) :D

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